The last few days have felt so hard. Like pushing a freaking boulder uphill in 40+ degree heat, hard. My Skype coaching session on Friday morning wouldn’t connect. Rohan’s been trying to create his first vlog on my computer using iMovie and there wasn’t enough memory on my computer for him to work on it. Then my computer started doing weird things – to the point that I wanted to chuck it down the hill into the jungle. I had a coaching session on the weekend that I also had to postpone due to the technology issues. The Friday session was rescheduled for this morning and guess what? You got it. I connected, but she couldn’t hear me. I called back a few times with a different headset and no luck. It makes me feel so unprofessional with this client and frustrated and just GRrrrrRRRRRrrrr!!!!#(%)*#*^#)%*@)%*)%*()#*%)#(*#)*%#!!!!!!!!!!!
In all honesty, as much as it’s lovely and beautiful here, I think I would pack up right now and head home if I could.
I desperately miss my family. Our crazy family dinners and just hanging out – hearing the laughter of the girls, the loud, boisterous conversations, the feeling of just being with them or knowing that I can see them. I miss my friends. Being able to pick up the phone, or text or make plans to do things together. Technology and unstable wifi has not made it easy to FaceTime or connect with family and friends. I miss convenience (like being able to pop into the Apple store when my computer is acting stupid). I miss being able to get normal groceries or staple supplies that aren’t ridiculously expensive. I miss my clean house – where there aren’t tiny ants crawling on the kitchen counter. I miss being able to walk around barefoot and not have to worry about stepping on life-threatening bugs or creatures. I miss driving my awesome Subaru.
My heart breaks for Rohan; he had so much fun in Panama being able to FaceTime with his friends whenever he wanted – but not here, more often than not the connection doesn’t work. We also met two friends there – and was able to hang out and have fun with Oliver and Jed. We’re quite isolated here in this house – there are no kids anywhere, and he’s with us 100% of the time, and there’s often not a lot to do …. I can’t wait to see him with his friends again and being able to buzz off on his bike and have some freedom and independence again.
Please don’t hear this as complaining. I am so very very grateful that our family has this opportunity, and we have seen and experienced so much. We have grown so much, learned so much, experienced so much, and we know how blessed and fortunate we are.
So I’m pretty sure this isn’t really about things being so hard this week. I’m pretty sure this is my heart being homesick, for the people I love the most – the people that drive me absolutely crazy, but who also fill my soul.
I really really miss you.